Think about that statement for a second. As a leader, partner, husband, friend, or human, you may be listening to respond 

In 2023, is to be intentional with my partnerships and start to list e to understand. 

Recently I had a close colleague start to ice me. Our conversations were surface level, and the distance grew. And while they continued to show up and perform, I had the feeling they were leaving me.   This bothered me. I felt like the imbalance in within my team the harmony was gone. 

I finally confronted my friend and colleague. I jumped on a plane to meet in person. Through that convo, I realize where our relationship went sideways. While I was executing on anything they needed, I wasn’t listening to understand. I was listening looking for ways to fix an immediate issue. And when I didn’t hear an issue, I left the convo thinking they just wanted to vent. 

The issue was this… through those convos, I missed the bigger issues. They needed more from me because I wasn’t just their manager. I was their friend and their trusted leader. They needed to know more about what was happening behind the scenes. They needed to know I was fighting the fight with them.  My value on the relationship diminished so they went dark on me. And in their heart, they were done. 

The good news is we had enough in the bank within the relationship to recover. But to maintain this relationship and every relationship you must listen to understand. Not simply to fix or respond. Far too often we get caught up in just solving problems and end up in a tennis match. You hit me w a problem I hit you back w a response. 

More importantly, I catch myself doing this at home. My wife explains an issue and I’m trying to fix. She doesn’t need me to fix she wants me to listen to understand.  If you want to deepen your relationships try to think before responding. And really understand the bigger picture.  I am a work in progress. And I hope this inspires you to check yourself in this area!